“What happens from here is up to you.”

Giving myself a little credit

There was an article my mom read in the local newspaper about a (low budget) movie shooting near where I grew up. As it turned out we knew someone on the crew and she arranged a time for me to go by and watch the filming.

I was wrapping up my first year of film school so even the idea of getting to see a real movie being made was super exciting no matter what they were doing, but the day that she finagled was gonna be extra cool.

They were going to shoot all night long and blow up a car! 🤯

I, nor the exploding car, made it into the Murdered Innocence movie poster 😿.

I showed up at dusk and made my way through security. The guy we knew had to come down off the roof of a building where he was rigging lights for the explosion scene. (So. Cool.)

He gave me a quick tour of the set and introduced me to a few folks. Then he turned to me and said, “Well… I got you in. What happens from here is up to you.”

Then he walked away.

😐

😑

😐

I went over to one of the large equipment trucks where some of the Grips were unloading gear and said, “Need a hand with anything?”

That started a long night of me busting my ass on set.

For hours and hours I hauled lights, stands, and cables. I learned what things were called so the next time I’d get the right item without someone having to explain what it looked like. (”No… that’s the wrong large heavy light, I need a different large heavy light.”)

I got to watch the car blow up in the wee hours of the morning.

Celebration ensued. It was, indeed, awesome.

As the sun rose the 1st Assistant Director was walking around handing out call sheets. A call sheet is a piece of paper telling you what is being shot the next day, where it is, how to get there, what time to get there, who needs to be there, etc… everything you need to know.

Everyone was getting a sheet handed to them and when the 1st AD handed one to me… thinking I was just another member of the crew… I took it.

I showed up to every shoot for weeks and weeks. Straight through ‘til the end of production.

That was one of my favorite summers ever. Being part of the crew. Spending my days and nights working on a real movie with professionals in the industry. I felt like I was a part of something big. It is a powerful and impactful part of my journey.

Recently a work colleague said, “it’s clear you have initiative” and I realized I had never thought that about myself. That comment led me to take a second look at my history and in some cases reframe how I think about it, including this story.

I didn’t think I was part of making that summer happen. It had just happened and I was there for the ride. I skipped over the part where it was me who made the effort to turn that opportunity into the adventure it was.

I’m still learning how to give myself a little credit.

I do have initiative. My choices and actions made the difference.

It’s still not easy for me to identify these things, or say these things, but I’m keeping at it. Practice makes improvement.

Have a great week everyone!

‘til next time,

👋

P.S. Thanks Mom. Happy Mother’s Day. I miss you.